Would you like another??

For as long as I can remember, I have always said that I wanted to have 3 children. I grew up in a family of 4, but I've always wanted a big family of my own. I thought it would be nice to have 2 girls and a boy. I have a younger brother, but no sisters. Growing up, and even now sometimes, I wish I had a sister. I mean, I wouldn't change my brother for the world, but sometimes I think it would be nice to have a sister. So that's what I've always wanted for my own children.

The plan was, I'd graduate high school, go to college (in the mean time find a boyfriend), graduate college, get married, have babies, and...voila! I would have completed my life's goals. Ha! It obviously didn't go as planned. I never went to college, therefore I didn't graduate college either. I also ended up having a baby before I got married, and gained a stepdaughter in the process. Don't get me wrong, I don't have any regrets, and I'm happy with the way things have worked out.

Aiden is nearly 16 months old, and Jenny is already 4 years old! It's true what they say, time flies when you're having fun! The past 3 years of my life seem as if they have flown by! Especially in the last year and a half. Before I know it, Jenny will be 5 and in kindergarten, and Aiden will be 2! Lately I been thinking a lot about how grown up they are both getting, and I think Jaime has been thinking a lot about it too. He's even mentioned how big Aiden is getting a couple times today, and he's always saying how he can't believe Jenny is already in Pre-K!

All of my thinking about how grown up they are getting, got me thinking about something else....how much I miss being pregnant! Trust me, I don't miss any of the swollen feet, back aches, weight gain, or many other things about it! Luckily, I didn't have any morning sickness when I was pregnant with Aiden, so I can't complain about that. However, I do miss just knowing that I'm pregnant. Knowing that I am carrying a life inside of me. Knowing that I am never alone, even when I am the only person at home. Going to doctor's appointments and seeing Aiden on the sonagram or listening to his heart beat. Being able to feel Aiden move around and kick. Being able to eat whatever I want, and not worry about if it makes me fat cause I'm gonna get fat anyway. I miss all of these wonderful, wonderful things! They were all Blessings that I took for granted when I was pregnant with Aiden.

Sometimes I wish I could start over and be pregnant with Aiden again. I'd take more pictures, I'd keep a journal, I'd make a scrapbook, etc. etc. etc. One of the things I wanted to do most when I was pregnant, was have pictures taken me and my baby belly. I wanted to hire a professional photographer to take photographs of Jaime, Jenny, and I while I was pregnant. I always thought they would be great keepsakes, and look great in a baby book. So the next time I'm pregnant I'm going to try to do better, I'm going to try and treasure that time period more.

All that thinking caused me to really consider talking to Jaime about having another baby. I am still thinking of talking to him about it. I know what he's gonna say. He's gonna say that there are a lot of reasons why right now isn't the right time for us to have another baby. He's gonna say that we can't afford it, and that with him working two jobs now is not the right time. He's gonna remind me of my plans to lose weight. He's gonna try to talk me out of the idea. At least I think he will, I hope at least one of us is thinking rationally right now.

For some reason, no matter how many times I run the cons to having a baby right now through my head, I can't convince myself that it's not what I want. That's why I need to talk to Jaime about this. I know he'll make me see it clearly. Plus, even if I don't see it clearly, all he's gotta do is put his foot down. If Jaime says no baby right now, then it means no baby right now. How else am I gonna have another baby right now without his cooperation? Then again, don't answer that....ha!

So, that's what I'm gonna do tonight after Aiden goes to bed. I'm gonna sit Jaime down, and talk to him about this. I'm gonna explain to him exactly how I feel, and then laugh in agreement when he tells me how unrealistic I'm being. This is definitely something I need to talk to him about. Like I said before, this isn't something I can do on my own. =)