Would you like another??

For as long as I can remember, I have always said that I wanted to have 3 children. I grew up in a family of 4, but I've always wanted a big family of my own. I thought it would be nice to have 2 girls and a boy. I have a younger brother, but no sisters. Growing up, and even now sometimes, I wish I had a sister. I mean, I wouldn't change my brother for the world, but sometimes I think it would be nice to have a sister. So that's what I've always wanted for my own children.

The plan was, I'd graduate high school, go to college (in the mean time find a boyfriend), graduate college, get married, have babies, and...voila! I would have completed my life's goals. Ha! It obviously didn't go as planned. I never went to college, therefore I didn't graduate college either. I also ended up having a baby before I got married, and gained a stepdaughter in the process. Don't get me wrong, I don't have any regrets, and I'm happy with the way things have worked out.

Aiden is nearly 16 months old, and Jenny is already 4 years old! It's true what they say, time flies when you're having fun! The past 3 years of my life seem as if they have flown by! Especially in the last year and a half. Before I know it, Jenny will be 5 and in kindergarten, and Aiden will be 2! Lately I been thinking a lot about how grown up they are both getting, and I think Jaime has been thinking a lot about it too. He's even mentioned how big Aiden is getting a couple times today, and he's always saying how he can't believe Jenny is already in Pre-K!

All of my thinking about how grown up they are getting, got me thinking about something else....how much I miss being pregnant! Trust me, I don't miss any of the swollen feet, back aches, weight gain, or many other things about it! Luckily, I didn't have any morning sickness when I was pregnant with Aiden, so I can't complain about that. However, I do miss just knowing that I'm pregnant. Knowing that I am carrying a life inside of me. Knowing that I am never alone, even when I am the only person at home. Going to doctor's appointments and seeing Aiden on the sonagram or listening to his heart beat. Being able to feel Aiden move around and kick. Being able to eat whatever I want, and not worry about if it makes me fat cause I'm gonna get fat anyway. I miss all of these wonderful, wonderful things! They were all Blessings that I took for granted when I was pregnant with Aiden.

Sometimes I wish I could start over and be pregnant with Aiden again. I'd take more pictures, I'd keep a journal, I'd make a scrapbook, etc. etc. etc. One of the things I wanted to do most when I was pregnant, was have pictures taken me and my baby belly. I wanted to hire a professional photographer to take photographs of Jaime, Jenny, and I while I was pregnant. I always thought they would be great keepsakes, and look great in a baby book. So the next time I'm pregnant I'm going to try to do better, I'm going to try and treasure that time period more.

All that thinking caused me to really consider talking to Jaime about having another baby. I am still thinking of talking to him about it. I know what he's gonna say. He's gonna say that there are a lot of reasons why right now isn't the right time for us to have another baby. He's gonna say that we can't afford it, and that with him working two jobs now is not the right time. He's gonna remind me of my plans to lose weight. He's gonna try to talk me out of the idea. At least I think he will, I hope at least one of us is thinking rationally right now.

For some reason, no matter how many times I run the cons to having a baby right now through my head, I can't convince myself that it's not what I want. That's why I need to talk to Jaime about this. I know he'll make me see it clearly. Plus, even if I don't see it clearly, all he's gotta do is put his foot down. If Jaime says no baby right now, then it means no baby right now. How else am I gonna have another baby right now without his cooperation? Then again, don't answer that....ha!

So, that's what I'm gonna do tonight after Aiden goes to bed. I'm gonna sit Jaime down, and talk to him about this. I'm gonna explain to him exactly how I feel, and then laugh in agreement when he tells me how unrealistic I'm being. This is definitely something I need to talk to him about. Like I said before, this isn't something I can do on my own. =)

Where, Oh Where, Has Aiden Gone? Oh Where, Oh Where, Could He Be?

Aiden has been staying with his Grandma this week while I recover from my surgery. So far he has been gone since Sunday night, so he's been gone four nights in a row. Don't get me wrong, Aiden still comes over during the day. He has been here for about four hours a day, everyday since I've come home from the hospital.

But it's just not the same. I can't pick him up and squeeze him, and hug him, and kiss him, and just LOVE him! I miss him. I can't wait until I can give him a bath and we can splash and play together. I can't wait until I can dry off his little booty and put lotion on it. I can't wait until I can rock him to sleep and put him in his bed. I can't wait until things go back to normal. I miss him.

I think he can sense that something isn't right. He knows that there is a reason that I'm not picking him up and doing all the same things with him I usually do. That makes me feel better. I'm glad that he can sense it, and almost understand, why things have been different this week. Otherwise, I would be putting myself on the list of 'dead-beat mothers'.

I know he understands because when I show him the bandages on my stomach he will try to touch them. But he is very gentle, and he will rest his head on my belly and say 'Awww'. So, I know he understands. I've also explained to him that his, 'mommy has boo-boos', and that, 'she is hurt'. So now when you ask him, 'Aiden, where is your boo-boo?'. He'll point to his belly and say, 'boo-boo'. So I know he understands.

Even though it makes me feel better to know that he understands, I still miss him like crazy.